For most of my life I got really good at making myself smaller.
Not physically obviously. I’ve never exactly been hard to notice with the black hair, tattoos and ear gauges.
But emotionally, I knew how to disappear.
Growing up I was always watching peoples moods. My mom drank, boyfriends came and went and home never felt completely predictable.
I learned pretty early that being honest about how I felt could sometimes make things worse, so a lot of the time I kept it to myself.
I wore oversized hoodies, found quiet places and wrote things down instead of saying them out loud.
When I ran away at fifteen people called me troubled.
Nobody really stopped to ask what I was running from.
They saw the behaviour, not the person underneath it.
I think a lot of people know what that feels like.
Being judged by whatever part of you people can see, while everything else stays hidden.
Thats one of the reasons Pride matters to me.
Pride can be colorful and loud, but underneath all of that its about something really human.
Wanting to be seen as you actually are, without checking the room first and deciding which parts of yourself are safe to show.
For some people that means saying their name out loud for the first time.
Telling somebody who they love, changing how they dress.
Or finally letting the person in the mirror look like who they have always felt like inside.
For other people, it means still figuring everything out.
And thats okay too.
You dont need to have the perfect label.
You dont owe everyone some huge explanation.
You shouldnt have to turn your life into a debate just to be treated like a person.
I know what its like to feel like being yourself comes with consequences. To walk into a room and notice who is staring, or wonder if somebody has already decided who you are before you even speak.
My tattoos made some people assume things about me.
My past made people assume even more.
Eventually I realized if people were going to judge me anyway, I would rather be judged for being honest than accepted for pretending.
That doesnt mean being seen is always easy. Sometimes hiding was the thing that kept you safe, and it can take awhile to understand that maybe you dont have to do it anymore.
So if your celebrating Pride loudly this year, take up the space you need.
If your celebrating quietly, with one trusted person or maybe only inside your own head right now, that still counts.
Pride isnt about becoming somebody different.
Its about finally having the freedom to stop hiding who you already are.
Kelsey Rodgers
💜